Ignighter Blog

A/S/L Check - An Ignighter Interview Series - Hard Questions, Soft Bodies. #2

Today we’re excited to bring you the second installment of:

A/S/L Check - An Ignighter Interview Series - Hard Questions, Soft Bodies.

We were especially lucky to score an interview with the Ignighter Executive Assistant who asked that we protect his identity and use his fairly well known public alias, Andy Swinehouse. Andy has been a part time assistant in the office for 6 months now and is really an invaluable asset to the company. Especially since he doesn’t get paid. We can always rely on a freshly filled Brita filter in the refrigerator, a replenished stock of doubly-ply TP in the office bathroom, and presents under the Hannukah Bush during the holidays.

Ignighter: So Mr. Swinehouse, let’s dive right into the interview… How do you feel about running out to Starbucks and getting me a skim latte? One sugar.

Andy: How many times do I have to tell you? Just because I’m Dan’s roommate, that does not make me your Executive Assistant.

Ignighter: You know what? Make it two sugars please, I’m feeling saucy.

Andy (defeated): Can I at least wait until the interview is over?

Ignighter: Fine. Can you please explain the process of securing a job at Ignighter to all prospective employees out there?

Andy: Sure. Basically, I signed a lease with Dan expecting to have a nice apartment to return home to after a grueling day at law school, only to have it turned into a makeshift office for you two scrappy, poor entrepreneurs.

Ignighter: Ohhh interesting. Go on…

Andy: At first Adam -you - would clutch your palm dramatically exclaiming “Boy I could really use a hand massage right about now”. I tried to ignore the comments initially, but it became increasingly difficult when Adam started draping a mangled claw-hand in front of my face and holding a bottle of massage oil in his other hand. Before I knew it, I was rushing home from class to give Shiatsu treatments as the office masseuse. I’ve since been promoted to Executive Assistant.

Ignighter: Congratulations on the promotion! I see they like to promote in-house. Sounds like a solid company.

Andy: Eh.

Ignighter: Can you tell us about some of the other contributions you make to the company?

Andy: Well as I mentioned above I’m in law school. So even though they have fantastic professional counsel, they still come to me seeking advice on smaller legal issues.

Ignighter: Such as?

Andy: I remember one time the parking meters across the street from our apartment-

Ignighter: Andy…?

Andy: Ugh fine, across the street from the office. So one time Adam asked me if he could park at the meter across the street after 8 pm on a weeknight. And being as I had just passed the final in Constitutional Law, I was able to provide genuine legal counsel.

Ignighter (miffed): Yeah I think you still owe me $79 for that ticket I got.

Andy: Another time Dan asked me about the process of becoming a judge and if I thought Randy Jackson could ever have his own Judge show, like a Judge Judy. I told him ‘no’.

Ignighter: This is all very enlightening Andy. Let’s shift gears. Have you gone out on a group date through Ignighter yet?
Andy: Yes I have. The part I love most about Ignighter is that even though I’m in a relationship, I can still join a group and go out with my friends. I love playing matchmaker and I’m a great wingman.

Ignighter: And your significant other doesn’t mind?

Andy: No not at all. First of all, I’ve checked the box that says “Taken, but here for my friends” so right off the bat it’s clear that I’m just out to have fun with my buddies. Also, she’s in a group too. One time my group went out with her’s and we were able to introduce our respective friends to each other. It was an awesome time.

Ignighter: Looks like somebody is trying to get promoted to Head of Marketing!

Andy (chuckling): Can we wrap this up so I can get to my reading please? Wait, is there really an opening?

Ignighter: No. OK now it’s time for our closing questions.

Andy: Bring ‘em on.

Ignighter: What is your favorite word?

Andy: Queso.

Ignighter: What is your least favorite word?

Andy: Laundry.

Ignighter: Boxers or Commando?

Andy: Boxers.

Ignighter: Favorite Smell?

Andy: Buffalo wing sauce.

Ignighter: What historical figure would you most like to go on a date with?

Andy: Harriet Tubman.

Ignighter: Well Andy we want to thank you so much for being here.

Andy: We’re sitting on my bed.

Ignighter: Exactly. Keep up the great work and who knows, some day you might even be giving hand massages in a real office!

April 2nd, 2008 Posted by Adam | About Ignighter, a/s/l check |